Redefining “Having It All Together”


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Redefining “Having It All Together”

A few weeks ago when I told the husband, Jeff, about our tagline, “because you’re not supposed to have it all together …” he responded (in typical Jeff fashion) with,

“Well, having it all together just means figuring it out as you go along.”

Now – when I say “typical Jeff fashion,” I mean super simple on the surface, yet deeply transformational and ridiculously profound below – the proverbial iceberg statement, if you will. One slight distraction on your part and – just like that – you’ll miss it. The depths of his wisdom, gone forever into the caverns of his beautiful mind.

Okay, slightly dramatic – but no less true.

A quick side note for our tribe: We are all about mutually beneficial relationships here at the Newlymoms. So naturally, this article may contain affiliate links. This means that if you were to use the links provided and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission (at no additional cost to you). We only promote products we use, love, and/or fully support — it’s a win, win, win! If you have any questions about what we use, love and/or support, please reach out to us via our contact page.

Anyway – back to the point. Yes – his statement is more or less legit, but I didn’t realize how profound it was until later. I started thinking back to what I went through during my pregnancy and the weeks leading up to Kaiden’s birth. Even as a first-time mom, I wanted to have it all figured out – the best way to change a diaper, the perfect way to keep calm and carry on when the loudest shriek is resounding through the house for no apparent reason. I wanted to know what every baby cry meant before I heard it, what was behind every baby face before I saw it, how to deal with every hypothetical before I went through it. Even the things that seemed so BIG then, but are so insignificant now, like – how to get poopsplosion stains out of the dime-a-dozen white onesies with ease and the perfect product to stop the little man from peeing on you during the diaper change.


Of all the magnificent methods to get out stains – buying a pack of 15 for like $2 a piece is, by far, the most efficient – and it saves you a good chunk of sanity. Assuming your baby isn’t poopsploding every second of the day (and if they are, you probably need to bump up the diaper size), you can afford to toss that completely soiled one out. And as far as the perfect product to prevent pee geysers? You could opt for these hilarious wee-blocks, but seriously? Just be alert and prep the next diaper before you take the dirty one off. You can do it, I promise.

Back to the point – I literally wanted to know how to have and raise a child before actually doing it. Does that ever happen? With anything? I’m gonna slap a big NO on that one.

BUT, I didn’t want to be your stereotypical NEW mom – or, excuse me – a newlymom. You know, those young, naive, worry-about-everything, know-absolutely-nothing, moms to whom the modern day supermoms offer their pity looks and “oh, bless her heart” sentiments. I wanted to be that supermom – a seasoned expert – perfectly proficient in something I’ve never experienced before. Totally reasonable. But…

Contrary to popular belief and the bestselling book, you really can’t know what to expect when you’re expecting until what you’re expecting arrives.

That goes for the child itself, and everything leading up to and following after him or her. For example, bodily sensations can be described to you, but I don’t know anyone who knew they were going into labor until – well, till they were in labor. You can take all the classes you want – but that baby is coming out whatever way works in the moment.

So if you can’t have all your ducks in a row and “have it all together” in the popular sense of the term then what in the world did the hubs mean by “having it all together just means figuring it out as you go along”?

Here’s what I learned after many a moments spent meditating on this – “Having it all together” means:

  • You think on your feet
  • You don’t need to know the answers before you get to the questions
  • You believe you are capable of using the tools you have to conquer whatever life throws at you, even when you don’t know what’s coming

You see, I think we’ve gotten it wrong as a generation, as a culture. We think that we have to “have it all together” by knowing it all– knowing what products are best for baby, knowing the best schedule and how to get them to sleep through the night as soon as they’re born, etc. We say knowledge is power – and it is, but it’s not the ONLY power. Nor is it the best power. Believing you CAN – even when you don’t KNOW is far superior. That’s when you really “have it all together.”

Jeff, Kaiden, Myself, and Holly

Right there with ya,

Niki from

The Newlymoms



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Jesus loving, MAMAS OF TWO, Coffee downing, Entrepreneurs, BFFs. 

Hi, I'm Niki...
and I'm Christine

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